I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
But, then again, I’m sure every first time parent (mom or dad) feels that way. Still, it’s good to admit it, I think. Because if you admit it, then you can start asking for help. And, it’s really true what they say: “it takes a village.”
That’s one confession I think all first time parents understand. Aside from that obvious confession, though, I have a few others and I’m going to share them here.
Please don’t judge me. This is a safe space, right? Sharing is caring? We’re all in this together?
Either way, Here it goes. My first-time-mom confessions.
Note: I’m only a month into this whole thing, so this list may very well grow!
1. I have constant “mom guilt”
I always feel like I’m not doing something right. This is different than the “I don’t know what I’m doing” feeling. This is the “I had a feeling I should have done this different… why didn’t I do this differently?”
For example, I went to a new moms’ luncheon the other day. It made me feel like a complete fool, let me tell you. All the other babies were in long sleeves and pants. My baby? Nope. She was in a short sleeved romper. Her legs were bare except for a pair of socks that didn’t even match her outfit! I definitely kept her wrapped up tightly in her blanket the entire time.
I should have put her in a different outfit. Why didn’t I? She has plenty! I knew it was cold.
I felt so horrible. More than anything, I was embarrassed.
2. But, it’s not always enough to make me do something
That brings me to my next confession, though. Just because I felt guilty and embarrassed for not putting my baby girl in a warmer outfit, that doesn’t mean that I went home and changed her right away.
Getting her in and out of those long sleeve/ long pants things is SO annoying! And changing her diaper when she’s wearing one of those? Forget about it! It’s a complete hassle! I’d much rather just wrap her up in a blanket and be done with it.
Basically, even if I feel a little bad, I still usually end up doing what’s easier. I mean, I’m still figuring all this out! I’m overwhelmed and pretty sleep deprived. Most days, I’m just happy she has clothes on. That’s a victory enough for me!
3. I heard you poop, Baby Girl… I’m just pretending I didn’t
I said it. It’s true. Judge me if you must. But, just because I heard my daughter poop (and believe me, you can hear it on the other side of the house; she’s not coy) doesn’t mean I’m going to run and change her diaper right away. Especially if she’s sleeping. I am NOT going to wake her up.
4. I love to sit up and stare at you, but as soon as you wake up, I hate myself for not sleeping instead
Those quiet moments are so sweet and so fleeting. I try to enjoy them while I can. I love to just sit and watch her sleep. It warms my heart and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
But, the second her eyes open… I instantly feel a ripple of anger shimmy through me. “Why did I do that? I should have slept! Now I’m going to be up forever trying to get her back to sleep!”
It’s a constant struggle between “I want to soak up this time as much as possible” and “I’m going crazy from sleep deprivation and when did I shower last? and oh, goodness, I’m hungry, why didn’t I eat while she was asleep?”
5. I keep saying, “I know I’m going to miss these times one day” but I don’t always believe it
It’s just one of those mantras that new parents say– “I’m going to miss this one day.” But, will I really?
I’m sure I will (maybe?). But some days, I fantasize about the day she sleeps through the night and can feed herself and go to the bathroom by herself and… well, you get the picture.
I do love taking care of her and snuggling her and being her everything. I know she won’t need me forever… and I’m kind of thankful for that.
6. I am so crazy in love with you, Little Girl, that I don’t think I know how to function without you anymore
Was there even a time before I was a mom? I can’t remember… She’s become my entire life, my whole world. And I’m completely okay with that. I’m no longer me. I’m “Norah’s mom.” And I wear that title proudly.
Am I Alone?
Am I the only parent who feels/ does these things? Do you have any parenting confessions to share? Let me know I’m not alone!